remember

i don’t remember. anything. nothing. it’s just not there. i’m not sure why exactly. sure there were bad moments. was that it? draw the curtain? erect barriers. was that it? 

anyway, that’s why i’m doing this. to remember. to know what it was. it’s not for you. i don’t care about you, just like you don’t care about me. not then, not now. i’m glad we have established that. i can move on with it now. it’s freeing. do you feel that? is freedom important to you? it should be. isn’t it one of the burdens of consciousness - to attempt the comprehension and meaning of freedom? isn’t it one of its gifts? do you see where i’m coming from? do you know where i am? who i am? i thought you didn’t care, i hear you ask. ok, early dissonance. sorry. don’t you have that? i know you do. 

what do you do with yours? is it in a dusty jam jar in the attic with a fading and slightly rusty red metal lid? is it in the child who won’t talk to you or the ex-wife who has blocked your phone number? is it lying on the field being crawled over by centipedes in the night below the hopeful milk of the moon?

remember? i don’t.